Covered courtyard, taxis, take a taxi, always take a taxi in a strange city, but no, I know this city! The mind circles, at random, does not remember, from one moment to another, other things interpose themselves, the mind's The station exit on a bridge, yes, of course, and the blackened gantries rise like steel gibbets above the Midland red wall opposite. I should turn right, right, towards the city centre, yes, ah, and that pub! On one visit here I came from this station sullen with depression, savage at myself for some reason I found it hard to define, isolate: and went into that pub, the nearer, on the corner, green glass, leaded panes, ordinary, for relief, which was a green shield Worthington, as I remember, if I remember.
Southwell, the Chapter House, the delicate, convoluted carving on the capitals, foliage is it, yes, leaves, the book The Leaves of Southwell, now I think of it, though I did not know of it at the time, but June did, she knew the cathedral was important for at least this, that was perhaps the main reason why we visited it, when was it, fairly late in our friendship, for I had begun to take a great deal of interest in architecture, at the same time they moved to Lincoln, but how could it be, for they had the car, we went by car, their little blue Austin, which I had picked up for them, yes how the mind arranges itself, tried to sort things in orders, is perturbed if things are not sorted, are not in the right order, nags away. Southwell, said to June it was a useful place to bring children, to show them differences, for the nave was Norman, the choir EE, and the Chapter House, octagonal, best of all was Dec. The carving I was marvelously impressed with, appropriately, from a technical point of view the depth under the leaves, at such angles, but did not see the point of representing natural things thus, why, it is all tied up with truth, with things being what they are, and so on and so forth.
After we were well away from the village, they were guiding me on a ride, a journey. Tony took over, drove well enough, all he needed was experience, he passed his test not so very long after this. The mining villages around this city, I had not seen them before this first journey in their car. The fields around, just fields, no slagheaps that I remember, and suddenly the great wheels at the pithead on the skyline round the bend, classically, as if not industrial, not black country visual clichés. We had a drink somewhere, near a new bridge here, on the way back, it was dark by then, though summer, and in the car park there was some incident, I think someone was backing into Tony's path, and he kept going, they both kept going, and I was supposed to be the one looking out for a learner, but I could not reach the brake as it was the other side of Tony, farther from me, and all I could do was to push the horn button, to touch the horn ring, did it have one, that model, and the other man stopped in time.
When shall I see a ground all of one piece, a new ground, all the English grounds I've seen are so piecemeal, are never designed as a whole, except for Wembley, and in most ways that's an even worse disaster than this one, which seems to have four sides developed at random, at different times, yet there has been, is an enormous amount of money in football, thousands of pounds a game, hundreds of thousands a season, the number of people who go, and the players who don't get it, were very badly treated until recently, still are in some respects, it must have been the directors, the owners, who just siphoned off all the money but for what they had to leave to keep the things running, and even though they have to give their players something nearer their due, now, they still don't have to spend money on these buildings, they see, the swine, still have corrugated iron sheds and charge extra for that, let the men on the terraces, their chief supporters , the sixpences of the masses, stand out in all weathers, and they do, the stupid bastards! Yet these buildings show them up for what they are, the directors and the profiteers of the clubs, there is yet honesty in this: the buildings proclaim that they are cheapjacks, charlatans, who might as it pack their bags overnight and leave, because in the buildings they would be leaving behind them the very minimum that could be left, which would, which does, corrode, disintegrate, rot to pieces every few years. So this ground, the usual mess of badly-shutted concrete badly finished, the scruffy collection of huts which are the turnstiles, fletton-backed stand beyond them, the unpleasantness of this brick in such circumstances, ah, why waste anything of me with these things that disgust me, where's the Press entrance, let's get on with the bloody job.
Yates's is friendly, the first impression going in, the first time I have felt that kind of warmth since I came to this city this morning, an alien city, though I know it, really, I keep telling myself, friendly here, a relief, a great relief! Nearly full, push my way through, here it was I spoke to that Russian seamen so long ago, without Tony then, where was Tony, what was I doing on my own? Now there was a group there discussing football, they must be going later on, yes, what time is it, the to one, yes time for a good drink and then lunch, noticed a restaurant underneath as I came in, nearby, looked okay, shall go there, perhaps when I have finished here, what shall I have now, a wide range indeed, in Yates's, imported beverages of all descriptions, Commonwealth ports and sherries, Australian White and Red, very cheap, remarkably good value, no doubt, but I'll have Marsala, I think for no other reasons, but that I need something thick and sweat and comforting, I need comforting, why do I need comforting?
This pub, then, what signs of venerableness does it bear, to be seen, claiming to be one of the oldest in England? Black beams, low ceilings, but preserved in various ways, varnish, worm repellent, that detract from the seeing of age, prevent me from venerating it. Which leaves me with only association. This room, yes I recognise instantly as being one where Tony and June and Wendy and I sat, yes, but why should that seem remarkable, as it was only a few years ago, the memory is not that bad, I am overdramatizing this, his death, this place, these occasions. But this is still a place for students where the four of us sat then years ago, was it, something like that, rexine seats, life goes on, ha, bring Fortinbras and cart the corpses off. Cast iron garden tables, look original, not found, the old built-in kicked cupboard, brass fittings, most this looks Victorian, older in one sense than the eighteenth and earlier, the rooms cared from the friable sandstone, that is now to me a cliché, everything is reducible to a cliché, the action of carbonic acid on limestone. I'll have another sherry, I used to drink beer then but do not now, so much there’s another change, it's meaningless, though, it all is, this wallowing in recollection, stupid even, as well, I mean, where does it all lead, there we were students then, there these still are, students now, and so?
Cast parapet, pierced rondel design, the canal oiling its way under, under, and the great letters on the end wall of a warehouse BRITISH WATERWAYS, weathered, flaking, the midland red brick sound, it appears, the red strong enough to come through that amount of blackening, of discoloration, and the buses, I remember, great green and cream buses, and yes, they have trolleybuses in this city, too, the disfiguring lines overhead, quaint even, now, how long is it since they were running in London, remember them taking down the supports, masts would they be called, poles, the relief of the clearing of the air, literally, in certain streets, King Street Hammersmith, for one place, which seemed so much less oppressive once the overhead lines had gone.
This visit it must have been we made the journey to Newstead Abbey, yes, we went by bus, they did not have their car at that time, no, and walking the mile or more up the long rhododendron-lined drive, towards the house, the Abbey, that Byron so loved, and sold, the house buttered up against the single standing west front Abbey, so arrogantly intimate with it, EE, though late, I thought, as I remember, transitional. June went and sat beside the upper lake, pregnant, taking a book, having been here several times before. Tony and I paid to walk round the dead house, not lived in, saw Byron's skull cap, or did we, had it previously been re-interred, a dueling sword, yes, his bedroom, so ordinary now, like a film set, uncomfortable, un-lived in, obviously. The dead things the dead leave behind them as well as the living things. But in the gardens, grounds, the poem to Boatswain cut on a monument was still living, and inside the house, of course the relevant part of that tree, dead now but curiously alive, that Byron cut his and Augusta's names into that two-trunked sapling springing from the same roots.
The Castle too, a round of visits obviously, on either the Saturday, or more probably the Sunday. Wendy, her hair windblown across her face, the view across this city, the museum, the posters and displays commemorating labour troubles, this was some sort of centre for nineteenth-century resistance against the exploiters. Pubs in the evening, particularly two very good ones, students, locals, good drinking. Talking again, always, Tony was hardly interested in drinking, but only in the talk which accompanied it, only in the company he could hold converse with.
Their new flat. Either Sunday or the Saturday afternoon we went to see the new flat they were about to take on or hoping to take on. It was in a superior area of the city, the Estate or something like that, great houses built during the boom in the lace industry, whenever that was, nineteenth century some time, late probably, large red brick mansions, no two alike but somehow all alike, set square into the steep sides of a series of small valleys, green spaces between, wide private roads, No Thoroughfare, gates at all entrances. We all four went there. It must have been for Sunday tea, yes, tea with the old woman who was to be their landlady, very welcome she made us , we two strangers as well. Tea in the drawing room, looking out through French windows on to a lawn, sloping to the floor of one of the small valleys, and, yes, there was a dog, she loved dogs, Wendy, and this was a spirited dog, perhaps it was still young, would rush about indefinitely with her, making those rushes and last-second deviations, which some dogs are given to, I have noticed, perhaps with them it is a form of organised sport, with its own rules, etiquette. I joined in, as I remember, joined in with her, to participate, rather than with the dog, to show that I was spirited, gamey, too, would not be left out, would make her share everything of hers as I made her share everything of mine. That was the way I wanted it. That was the way I went out to get it. And where I went wrong.
At dinner, in Hall, top table on the same occasion, discussing with Tony Barker and Tony the interesting man who worked in the kitchens there, a refuge, who had written and published at his own expense a treatise on the ills of the world, and his own proposed cures, and had given copies to both of them. Sometimes Tony's enthusiasms were too extreme, I thought, too indiscriminate, in this case, for instance, as I remember. The new Hall of Residence, neo-gothic, architecturally sterile, aping the Oxbridge dead.
